Wednesday, October 25, 2006

my horoscope today

i don't really believe in horoscopes but this one hits the bullseye, so i just had to write it down.
There may be a bit of confusion in your world today, dear Virgo. Trying to make sense of what is going on might not be the easiest task. Rational thinking and analytical processes may not be the best way to go about finding the solution. You might be better off just letting the issue lie for now and dealing with it later when the facts are more clear. Let go of control and the desire to make sense of it all. Instead, just relax and let the day take you where it will.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

What on Earth am I here for?

I am very sure that most of us - if not all of us, have, at some point in our existence asked ourselves this question, "What the heck am I here for?". Then someone comes along, a friend, a lover, a son, a daughter, our parents, then somehow we are shown a path. A path we willingly take, in the hope that, it will unravel the mystery of our existence. But as we go along we are deceived and somehow side-tracked of our purpose.

Interestingly the 1st chapter of the book says and i quote, "It's not about you. The purpose of your life is far greater than your own personal fulfillment, your peace of mind, or even your happiness. It's far greater than your family , your career, or even your wildest dreams and ambitions. If you want to know why you were placed on this planet, you must begin with God. You were born by his purpose and for his purpose." I don't want to pre-empt would be readers of the book, because i am still in day 5 myself, but the 1st paragraph sure is catchy. those words certainly made their mark on me. Definitely a "must-read" for people who are searching for their purpose.

another interesting part in Day 5 is the quote from Anais Nin - US(french-born)author and diarist. Here's the quote "We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." I was startled to realize that i do, most of the time, see situations, hear people talk, and probably pre-judge them according to who i am. and so the plot thickens, as they say. it feels good to look inwards, inside yourself and take a peep into your heart. is HE still there? is GOD still in the grand scheme of things in MY life? If HE were to ask me today what I did with my life that fulfilled His purpose? will the people i loved, people i touched, people i helped be enough to secure me a place in eternity?

another quote from Anais Nin "life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. this is a kind of a death."


Here's an entry in my old blog that I have decided to republish here.

As young as seven, I knew what managing time meant. I managed my time then between studying, eating and of course for playing and horsing around. That was my main goal then. If I managed my time well I would have more time for the things I wanted to do. Like watching TV and playing my favorite games. As I grew older, I took this habit with me. It was particularly helpful during my college days. I managed my time right then so that I would have more time to myself during weekends. Of course it was a tremendous help when I had kids, I would mentally calculate my schedule the next day so that I would be able to finish all my "to-dos" within a specific time frame.

As I review my day these days I seem to get lesser time for contemplation. I notice more and more that the time I have to myself tantamount to six hours to six-and-a-half at most in the 24-hours we have in a day! And that already includes sleep! Well, yes I do enjoy being hands on to my kids but "six hours" is not enough time for me, even to recharge! Just take a look at my typical workday sked:

5:30 get the hot water going (water is quite scarce nowadays)
6:15 Take a quick shower, as in quick!
6:30 Wake my daughter up and bathe her.
6:45 Dress her, fix her snacks for school, fix my lunch bag and
that of my hubby's, and hand her over to yaya for breakfast
7:00 Get dressed as quickly as possible.
7:15 Take my daughter to school.
7:30 Arrive at the FX station to Makati. (but now I have a car, thank God!)
8:30 Have a quick breakfast at my table and work my butt off!
5:30pm Go home, drop by the drugstore or grocery for some
7:30pm Arrive home, change clothes
7:45pm Have a quick dinner. (Thank God my mom cooks for me!)
8:00pm Check if my daughter had any assignments
8:15pm Get the kids and transfer to my house.
8:30pm Fix my daughter's snack for tomorrow, prepare the sandwiches,
put my baby's things in a bag for tomorrow's use.
9:00pm Get the kids ready for bed... and probably squeeze in 5
minute to go to the bathroom, brush my teeth, brush my
kids teeth.
9:15pm Prep the bed.
9:30pm Story time!!!
10:00pm The kids start to sleep....Thank God!
10:45pm Finally they're asleep.
11:00pm I can sleep! But wait! I didn't even have time
for some small talk with my husband, hmmm maybe tomorrow.

I open my eyes the next day and then the day starts again! Too much for you? Well I can now imagine how my mom did it, and there were three of us then! But then there were a lot of people volunteering to take care of us, my grandma, my aunts who just live next door. Today, you are sooo lucky to find a good household help, not to mention a very reliable yaya. But I know that all this hard work will pay off. My kids are growing up well. My eldest is quite a whiz kid, if I may say so. And my youngest is not to be outdone as well! They are both well loved and taken good care of that I hope they would be as discriminate with the people they make friends with and boys they fall in love with when they grow up. And I also hope they realize how much sacrifice and how much time their mother spends just making sure they are in good hands!

grumpy at 7am

they say that if you don't have anything good to say, then don't say anything at all. i can sing it, though, right? i feel kinda low today. there's something bugging me and i can't do anything about it right now. human nature says, run away. that would be too easy an escape - but sadly it would not solve anything. i want to be swallowed by the ocean, I want to be enveloped in peace, I want to smell happiness in the air. it's ironic that living simply... is not so simple after all.(sigh)

when i was young I remember someone told me that, if you put a seashell in your ear you will hear the ocean inside. if you carry it with will feel like you're in the beach all the time. so sing it to me Mr. Cross.

It's not far down to paradise
At least it's not for me
And if the wind is right you can sail away
And find tranquility
The canvas can do miracles
Just you wait and see
Believe me

It's not far to never never land
No reason to pretend
And if the wind is right you can find the joy
Of innocence again
The canvas can do miracles
Just you wait and see
Believe me

Takes me away
To where I've always heard it could be
Just a dream and the wind to carry me
And soon I will be free

It gets the best of me
When I'm sailing
All caught up in the reverie
Every word is a symphony
Won't you believe me

It's not far back to sanity
At least it's not for me
And when the wind is right you can sail away
And find serenity
The canvas can do miracles
Just you wait and see
Believe me

Sunday, October 01, 2006

A Grown Up Christmas List


Do you remember me
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you
With childhood fantasies

Well, I'm all grown up now
And still need help somehow
I'm not a child
But my heart still can dream

So here's my lifelong wish
My grown up christmas list
Not for myself
But for a world in need

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
and wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown up christmas list

As children we believed
The grandest sight to see
Was something lovely
Wrapped beneath our tree

Well heaven only knows
That packages and bows
Can never heal
A hurting human soul

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown up christmas list

What is this illusion called the innocence of youth
Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth
(there'd be)

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end, oh
This is my grown up christmas list

This song is really moving =)

A Dream Vacation

Ahhh, Paris. I promised myself one day I will come and visit her. I have already pictured it in my mind. I am lazing in the banks of Seine, sipping coffee in the sidewalk cafe'. Having a romantic walk from the Eiffel Tower through the many gardens and parks as I am humming La Vien Rose'. Hmmm the very thought of it excites me. Its a dream I promise not to give up. One day I will walk through those cobbled-stone streets, smell the air and feel how laidback life is here.

No wonder Europeans are contemplative people, they have a lot scenic views and romantic places to do just that. That is my ultimate dream vacation. To store up memories of this beautiful City and take snap shots of memories.