Thursday, January 29, 2009

Do You Still Dream?

I woke up one morning and felt a little odd. I used to remember all of my dreams vividly, like I was watching a movie in my head and in technicolor! That morning I felt like I had a dreamless night, like my dream bucket was empty. Nothing spectacular, no splashing colors. It was a bit on the gray side. Like I was in a super massive black hole. Was I still dreaming? I asked myself and figured maybe I am. But what were they about? I don't remember anything.

Hmmmm. I mulled over it a little bit more as I was headed to the office. Usually, there was something I wanted to buy, or some place I wanted to go, or something I wanted to do. But that day? Nothing. Caput! And I couldn't say that I was breezing through life content with everything. Well, come to think of it, maybe I am content. But no, something was missing. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. The pull, the thrill...the passion? For a panic-stricken moment I thought, had I lost it? My dreams? Gone?!

Squishing my mind a bit more, I tried to think about something that I wanted so terribly right here, right now? Thinking still. Hmmmm....Shaking my head in frustration and chagrin - all I could come up with, was an utterly neurotic un-funny girlish answer, err Edward Cullen (the Twillight guy)?Huh! Rolling my eyes. What was that? I thought frustated. That was utterly uncreative of me. But you see, there was a sense of emptiness creeping up behind me.

Where was all the introspection? The deep answers to my life's purpose? Well, I guess I still know my purpose in life. And yup, I still have that whole list of valid reasons to wake up each morning tucket away in my brain, but - but...but what? It was faintly frustrating, like I was missing something but I don't know what it is yet. Acck! I guess I should let it go for awhile. Maybe it will dawn on me. I sure hope so. I remembered someone told me never ever stop dreaming. Is that what's happening? I ran out of dreams to dream?

In life, many thoughts are born in the course of a moment, an hour, a day. Some are dreams, some visions. Often, we are unable to distinguish between them. To some, they are the same; however, not all dreams are visions. Much energy is lost in fanciful dreams that never bear fruit. But visions are messages from the Great Spirit, each for a different purpose in life. Consequently, one person's vision may not be that of another. To have a vision, one must be prepared to receive it, and when it comes, to accept it. Thus when these inner urges become reality, only then can visions be fulfilled. The spiritual side of life knows everyone's heart and who to trust. How could a vision ever be given to someone to harbor if that person could not be trusted to carry it out. The message is simple: commitment precedes vision. ~ High Eagle

So tell me? Do you guys still dream? What do you guys dream about?

Wednesday, January 07, 2009


The new year started with a bang as usual. My family watched the fireworks display and welcomed the new year making our own noise in our bedroom verandah. It was drizzling so we were not able to stay outside so much. I had a terrible cold that day, my husband had a slight fever and my two daughters had cough. Haha! And you might think that a little thing like that would stop us from greeting the new year as loudly as we can. Not!

As usual I make a quick recap of the year that was and I could not help but smile, frown and feel sad at some events that took place in my life. It was the life I made, the life I am continuously weaving. What I am really surprised about is how much my daughters have grown and I am still amazed at how much they know when I start to compare my life as a child then.

With them around, now I have no control over my own stuff. As soon as I get home, my five-year-old would ask if she could tinker with my iPhone and my ten-year-old would ask permission to use my laptop. Whoa! There goes my short moments of err "away" time, I think groaning. Now I am forced to content myself to read. I call it invasion! They have dominated even my moments for a small recreation. And I guess, that's my bit about my lack of, err, new posts here. LOL! I frowned a little as I think about that. Should I have been sharing er make-up lessons with them? Aaacck! I am afraid I would probably disappoint them in that direction. Lipstick is the only make up I have in my bag and a colorless lip gloss which does not constitute much. And I somehow felt a bit satisfied that they would grow up like me, no frizz no frill type of gal. LOL!

I am also amazed at how much my eldest daughter loved to read. She devours books and craves them by the lot. She sometimes reads three books simultaneously and would you believe she has started to read the Twillight Saga as well! she's asking me to download audio books so she can listen to them in the iPod. I always think better that than something else. My little five-year-old is into drawing stuff and making up stories in her little notebook. She also plays some kids games online (don't worry with parental guidance) and I am amazed at how she can outplay me with the new games. I envy them with all the choices they have now. LOL!

I watch contently the little bubble of happiness that is my family. My husband who is always there, ever supportive and ever loving. My mom and dad, always there when I needed them, never stopping to love me and my family. My siblings and their kids all make my life simply worth living for.

This new year, I have vowed to make new beginnings, grow a little more (probably not vertically but in some aspects in my life), and go with the flow.

HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all!