Blur

1. 

   
   

   Most days it feels as if the world is whirling around me and I am standing still. In slow motion, I watch the colors blur; people and faces all become a massive wash. - Sarah Kay
   
   As I sit down on my bed getting ready to sleep, I shake my head in disbelief that another day has passed and I can't seem to remember the events that took place. It all seemed like a blur. And now as I am about to go to sleep yet again I started to think about the future. Uh-oh you say, don't think about things like this when you're about to go to sleep. But I can't help but wonder if the days will pass by this fast everyday, I might be 70 years old before I know it!
   
   It's been four years now since my dad died but to me it seems like yesterday when he was still here. Maybe I deliberately tried to be busy to forget the pain, maybe I was trying to forget stuff that's why I gave work my full attention; maybe I was trying to drown down the grief that was gripping me; whatever the reason, it made me stop and think that, what I was doing might not be right and healthy. Wearing myself down and being busy at work without the balance of relaxation is never good.
   
   These days it has always been about making sure that my mom was alright. That she was comfortable and never alone. We even redecorated their bedroom because she said it reminded her of my dad all the time. We bought a new bed because she said she cannot lie down there and not think of him, new side tables etc. I took it upon myself to take care of her every need, I feel so bad that she is now alone and that when all of us go to work and the kids to school she is alone at home.   
2. Fast forward, in a few months time a new life changing event is going to happen. The "big move". I have lived in our place all my life but an opportunity to live in a new place near our work presented itself - me and the hubs grabbed it! We were tired of the long commute, we usually come home so dog tired sometimes I forego dinner just to get more shut-eye. In the new place, I get to arrive home in just a quarter of an hour compared to the usual two and a half hours drive across 3 cities. 
3. This new place promises quiet and cozy days spent with the family. This new place gives my mom a new view and new places to discover and hopefully a new perspective in life.  Also, in this new place I can sleep longer and spent more quality time with the girls and do the things I want to do because I am not too tired to lift a finger. The blur that was four years of my life is suddenly getting more focused. Suddenly the picture that is my life, is getting clearer. And yeah, it's looking mighty sweet and promising.
4. As Dolly Parton put it, "The way I see it, if you want the rainbow,  you gotta put up with the rain."   Cheers to the blur that now cleared it's path to show a silver lining and of course, to new beginnings!