Marriage Advice - The 50/50 Myth

Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle. ~ Amy Bloom


Okay, so Valentine's Day came and went and I was not in the least bit surprised to hear some of my married friends lament that they did not do anything romantic on that day. Well, do you see the photo above? That's the bouquet of flowers that my hubby sent over to my office on Valentine's Day! I was sooooo tickled pink with it. I felt so loved and cherished. He took me out to dinner near the bay...just the two of us. And it was sooooo lovely to note that he can still come up with romantic ideas after ten years of being married to each other.

I received this in the e-mail a couple of weeks back and I thought I should write it down here for all my friends, married or not. This sure is an eye-opener!


Would you get frustrated after a long day at work and
as you arrive home you discover a house in total chaos
with your spouse sitting down with kids reading a book?
You've worked hard all day giving 100% to provide for
your family, can't she AT LEAST give 50% and keep the
house clean!

Would your response be different if your wife was
pregnant with twins and needed to rest most of the day?

Or have you ever asked your husband in a frustrated
tone to mow the jungle in the back yard only to
discover he had gotten up early that morning and spent
5 hours helping a friend in need move? Did you
complain that he's not doing his share in the family,
or quietly pitch in to help with the lawn?

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Are We A Team?
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When we participate on any team, the efforts are rarely
equally divided. For example, there may be 10 people
on a soccer team, but they all need to give 100% to win
the game, not a 10% effort.

The same is true if we work as a team on a project at
work. Based upon our skills and expertise, each team
member may carry a heavier or lighter assignment.
However, to be successful in the project, we each need
to give 100%, or our best effort, to produce the best
work product.

So it would be logical to assume that in marriage
relationships we would realize that it's never 50/50
just because there are two of us.

Sure it would be nice to draw a line down the middle of
the house and say "you clean that side and I'll clean
this side."; or do half of the laundry or mow half of
the yard. However, that is a bit ridiculous to try and
manage, let alone consider.

Then why do logical couples sometimes get caught in the
trap that marriage is a 50/50 relationship?

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Give Your 100%
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It's critical to realize that sometimes one gives 40%
and the other 60%. Other times both give 100% and so
forth. What may be a 100% effort for me on a bad day,
would be a 30% effort on a good day. The point is to
give all we can and communicate to our spouse if it's
going to be a "lean" or "queen" day.

On "lean days", our spouse will be better able to
understand their need to pull a bit more of the load,
or to not get frustrated if some of the load isn't
carried at all.

On "queen days", our spouse will know they can count on
us to accomplish certain things with ease. The key is
communicating if it's going to be a "lean day".

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The Next Level
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To take it to the next level, consider the peace,
contentment and appreciation that will flow in a
marriage where we are more concerned with the needs of
our spouse than our own needs.

I'm a mother of 5 kids, so my day starts very early
making lunches, getting my teenager to an early morning
religion class, having my personal devotional and
exercise time and then get the rest of the brood up at
6:10 a.m.

My husband gave me a wonderful gift a while ago. Since
I don't work on Fridays, he decided that Friday would
be "Mom's day to sleep in."

He gets up early to do all the "Mommy Duties", and
cooks a great breakfast for the kids. (Which Mom only
cooks on standardized testing days at school) They
wake up to the smell of sausage cooking and a dad they
don't normally see much of until the evenings.

The first week the kids were absolutely shocked...their
faces were indeed a sight to behold. As this special
day continued week after week, they began to get a
knowing smile on their face as they got ready quietly
so that Mom could sleep in and get much needed rest.
They not only saw, but participated in this family
gift.

Yet, this was not just a gift for Mom, it was a
wonderful gift for our children. It spoke volumes of
the love and care that husbands and wives desire to
show to one another.

_________________________

What Gift Can You Give?
_________________________


Not everyone has the time, or opportunity to change
roles on a weekly basis. However, there are many
opportunities to give both small and large gifts of the
heart to our spouse.

It's especially fun if you give a gift by doing
something that your spouse would normally, or
"traditionally" perform.

Ladies, the next time the shower drain is running slow,
how about getting on your rubber gloves, removing the
drain screen and getting the goo out of the drain.
(Especially since most of the goo is trapped because of
your hair.)

Men, when one of the light bulbs above your wife's
vanity burns out, take the time to notice and replace
it for her...without being asked. Besides, she's just
trying to look more beautiful for you.

Think of the welcome surprise by the person who
normally makes the bed each morning if they came out of
the bathroom to discover that the bed was already made
for them.

If you normally leave before your spouse, wouldn't it
be a simple, yet an appreciated gift, to scrap ice off
their car windshield?

These acts, though seemingly small, are HUGE in the
relationship bank and will pay great dividends daily,
weekly and for a life time.

So don't get sucked into the myth that marriage is a
50/50 deal. It's 100% all the time, and well worth the
effort. ~ Norie Hoover