I find it ironic that I am turning another year older in the next few weeks and I cannot say that I have a fool-proof plan for my future. Something that every responsible adult should have before they charter the many oceans of life.
I sometimes live for today and am guilty of leaving tomorrow to God. Don't get me wrong, I am not totally irresponsible. I have life insurance policies, a pension plan, a good health care plan and a few investments. Nothing ludicrous but a little nest egg for my family in case I become permanently err unavailable. But one must also realize that when you leave tomorrow to God, that means you are in charge of what happens to you today.
Being in charge of today is a big responsibility, because what you do today affects future plans and future realities.
Each day I struggle to live my life to the full. But oftentimes I think I fail to make the most of it. Each working day I think I miss out on the most important moments of my kids life. I content myself into looking at their day from my nanny's recount and stories, from my mom's loving eyes and through my dad's adoring stories. I would call home to check if there are assignments to be done and school supplies to buy and if the kids had preferences for tomorrow's snacks. It was the only way I could be there for them during the day that I am working.
My five-year-old daughter now knows how to contact me at work and what time she would call. There are times when I wasn't able to answer her call because I was in a meeting she would leave messages in my answering machine...and I would feel guilty as hell. Some mornings she would be grumpy when I wake her up and hurry her to the bathroom to give her a bath, she would tell me "why are you always in a rush mommy?" - I wanted to tell her because I want so much to be the one to go to school with you and your sister. To wait for you when you get home and cook your lunch, do your homework and play with you after school...but I can't so I just have to content myself with the few minutes that I can kiss you and give you a bath and I can comb your hair and blow small kisses before I rush yet again to work.
Life is a series of compromises for me. I win some, I lose some. And for each moment that I spend away from my family I want to make sure that I spend it wisely. I count the seconds, the minutes the hours that I would go home and embrace my babies again. Here's something that I love to read whenever I have bad days. I keep it tucked away somewhere for me to read. Here goes:
If you woke up this morning
with more health than illness,
you are more blessed than the
million who won't survive the week.
If you have never experience
the danger of battle,
the loneliness of imprisonment,
the agony of torture or
the pangs of starvation,
you are ahead of 20 million people
around the world.
If you attend a church meeting
without fear of harassment,
arrest, torture, or death,
you are more blessed than almost
three billion people in the world.
If you have food in your refrigerator,
clothes on your back, a roof over
your head and a place to sleep,
you are richer than 75% of this world.
If you have money in the bank,
in your wallet, and spare change
in a dish someplace, you are among
the top 8% of the world's wealthy.
If your parents are still married and alive,
you are very rare,
especially in the United States.
If you hold up your head with a smile
on your face and are truly thankful,
you are blessed because the majority can,
but most do not
If you can hold someone's hand, hug them
or even touch them on the shoulder,
you are blessed because you can
offer God's healing touch.
If you can read this,
you are more blessed than over
two billion people in the world
that cannot read anything at all.
You are so blessed in ways
you may never even know.
“love life, engage in it, give it all you've got. love it with a passion, because life truly does give back, many times over, what you put into it” ~ Maya Angelou.
In case we forget, we can always begin living today.