i was reading my sister's blog www.waitingforbuchiko.blogspot.com she writes about her lonely journey towards motherhood. It's been 5 years now and she's still without child. i cry inside with her as she waits in line for her turn in filling those empty arms with that elusive love.
here's a peep inside her heart:
after watching it, i felt cold and raw. it was like holding her heart and soul in the palm of my hand. i could almost feel her sadness, her anger, her growing bitterness floating around like dark blood poisoning her soul.
she probably sees her life in darkness right now, but here is what I SEE:
i see a strong and vibrant woman eager to take on the world
i see a warrior who is ready to move heaven and earth to protect her family
i see a vulnerable but hopeful woman wishing and praying to experience what she thinks will complete her.
i see a loving wife and a thoughtful daughter
i see a loyal and trusted friend
i see a sister always ready to lend a hand
i see a woman so full of life, always eager to experience the world
i see a woman with so much heart that she doesn't know what to do with it
BUT i also see that her long journey has somewhat taken it's toll on her heart.
i also see a weary soul whose patience is wearing thin, as she searches for answers to her deepest and most sacred prayers
don't turn the lights off just yet. it is okay to feel sad and angry. who wouldn't be? when all around you is a constant reminder of an unfulfiled longing. it's okay to feel a little bitter, we're human after all. but it's NOT okay to let it consume you to the core. i have been there, i also have PCOS, although my journey was not as long as yours, i have also tasted the bitter pill.
we cannot do anything right now, waiting could be a bitch, i know. but there is one thing that i do know, you will NEVER EVER wait alone =)
here's a song i want you to hear. the road may be long and narrow in the journey that you're in. but it's always so much more fun walking at the sunny side of the street. i love you sis, Happy Birthday!