1 year ago
Monday, June 11, 2007
"Mommy where does the sun go when it sets?", my daughter once asked me. I told her it goes to shine at the other side of the world. "Why?", she asks further. "So that other people can see clearly in the light of day and feel warm from the cold."
I don't know why, but sunsets have this strange effect of making me feel lonely and sad. It was said that one of the best sunsets are seen here in Manila Bay. And I've seen quite a few, it is quite majestic how the sun seem to touch the water, you could almost hear it sizzle from the scorching heat. Splashes of yellow gold seem to scatter the sky, as if night and day are bidding each other goodbye.
I guess, I consider sunset as an ending of a glorious day. Like a child wanting to play all day, I now have to go inside and wash up before dinner starts - we all know how sad that was then. When darkness sets, I have to confront my fears again, the ones I'm hiding from. But I am starting to learn how to deal with fear. I remembered a long long time ago as a child, I was so afraid of the "monster" inside my bedroom cabinet. I would bury myself inside the thick blanket and sweat all night paralyzed in fear, wondering when that monster would come out and grab me. But one time I got so fed up with it and decided to confront it. I opened the cabinet door wide open and dared the monster to come out and get me right now because I am really fed up with him! I waited and waited and nothing happened. I had the courage to look inside and guess what's there? only my clothes! That was a turning point for a nine-year-old. I realized that sometimes you have to look fear in the eye and tell him to go scare someone else! It worked for me then. I hope it works for me again.
I particularly like this quote from Elenor Roosevelt, You Learn By Living. 1960
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself. "I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along."
As if by coincidence, I came across this piece of paper with some words written on it as I was cleaning our room this morning. It says, "It is not what we do for God that matters but what we will allow Him to do for us."
Slowly but surely I begin to realize that for every sunset in my life there is a promise of sunrise. I recall a day when I was feeling particularly sad and my daughter Pia, being a sensitive child that she was said, "Don't be sad mommy, I will take care of you." I looked at her cherubic face and I could see how earnest and concerned she looked. I said, "thank you honey, I guess I just miss the sun." She then says, "don't worry it will come back, it's just over at the other side of the world, so that other people can see clearly in the light of day and feel warm from the cold." And just like that my fears seem to have melted away.